SYNOPSIS

Act 1

As the audience is settling in, the Robber steals increasingly ridiculous valuables from the house and places them in a comically large sack. 

One by one, the partygoers emerge onto the balcony outside the Walsh mansion and make vapid conversation. First to appear are the fast-talking Cecil Ford and his old college friend Emil Harrington, but the are soon joined by the eccentric widow Ms. Jones, whose string of first names increases each time she introduces herself, RKO talent scout Dolores Doyle, and the wide-eyed ingénue and would-be starlet Viola Glenn. They discuss the party, and the artistic world they find themselves in, and quickly come to realize none of them have actually met Mr. Walsh himself, the man hosting the party. When Mr. Walsh appears, he is celebrated by the guests, but angrily reveals that he is Everett Walsh, the owner of the home, whose cousin, Guy Walsh, threw this dinner party while visiting without Everett’s knowledge or consent. The guests barely notice Everett’s protests, and, much to his frustration, gleefully drag him back indoors to “enjoy” the party.

Left alone on the balcony, Cecil and Emil discuss their respective careers as writers and compare their artistic reasoning for their presence at the party. Emil has come to observe humanity with the intention of perfecting his pretentiously tragic screenplay, while Cecil has come to sell his formulaic commercial musical to RKO. They mockingly read each other’s screenplays, both of which clearly terrible, before forcing Viola, who has just emerged to ask them for career advice, to select the best script. Reluctantly, she selects Cecil’s script, and he and Emil storm off, arguing, and Viola stays behind, frustrated.

Ms. Jones emerges, methodically placing hors d'oeuvres in her handbag. Viola attempts to ask Ms. Jones for advice, and Ms. Jones attempts to comply, but due to a series of miscommunications, Ms. Jones believes she is pursuing a career as a prostitute, rather than as an actress. When the misunderstanding is revealed, Viola is appalled and storms back to the party. The Robber, who has been unsubtly stealing furniture in the background throughout this whole scene, holds the door for her, and Viola, enraged, does not notice.

Everett chases Emil and Cecil onto the balcony, and they overwhelm him with patter, respectively insulting and flirting with him. Increasingly frustrated, Everett attempts to call the police, but only succeeds in getting himself tangled up in the telephone cord. To his alarm, he begins to find himself responding positively to Cecil’s advances, and Emil leaves in disgust. When Cecil too is called back to the party, Everett is left confused and overwhelmed. 

Ms. Jones returns to the balcony, looking for something. What she is looking for is gradually revealed to be, to Everett’s horror, her pet rat, Junior. The frustration of interacting with Ms. Jones’ eccentricity drives Everett to a hysterical peak, just in time for Cecil and Emil to reemerge. Emil attempts to psychoanalyze Everett, with Cecil’s unhelpful and flirtatious interruptions. When Everett attempts to assert himself, Cecil interrupts by leading all the guests in singing “Crazy Words, Crazy Tune,” finally driving Everett back indoors.

The guests stand around the balcony and converse meaninglessly, as the Robber sneaks away, until the Butler enters and announces that dinner is served. 

Act 2

 Viola, anxious at the thought of performing for Doyle, gets life advice from Ms. Jones. Viola explains her childhood and her desire to have more control over her life than her abused mother, and Ms. Jones encourages her, through her usual brand of almost-incomprehensible patter, to assert herself, and Viola exits.

Emil takes Viola’s place, as Ms. Jones scrapes more food into her handbag, and the two discuss the nature of marriage and European art. Emil believes himself to have found an intellectual equal, even a muse, but is unaware of the fact that Ms. Jones is mocking him and his pretension. 

Viola brings Doyle out to the piano for her audition with her new-found confidence, and, with Cecil accompanying, performs “Lover, Come Back To Me” from The New Moon. Her performance is stiff and old-fashioned, and Doyle tells her that she would need to change with the times to succeed. Viola runs back to the party, distraught. Doyle attempts to convince Emil to sell his script, finding its overwrought tragedy bold and modern, but Emil refuses to sell out to Hollywood. Meanwhile Cecil begs Doyle to let him sell out to Hollywood. Still arguing, the three head back inside.

Viola returns to the balcony in search of privacy, still crying, and nearly crashes into the Robber. In her distraction, she does not realize who he is, and vents her grievances at him. He, as always, remains silent and expressionless, but she has an entire one-sided conversation with him, gradually talking herself out of her desires to make it in Hollywood and into fully accepting Ms. Jones’ philosophy of iconoclastic eccentricity, even developing Ms. Jones’  speech patterns and accent, before finally declaring her intention to pursue a new life as an aviatrix as she exits. The Robber narrowly avoids Cecil and Everett, who are loudly arguing.

Viola and Ms. Jones, now dressed alike, discuss Viola’s recent transformation. Doyle finds them and attempts to offer Viola a job out of pity, but, to her embarrassment, Viola misinterprets (or pretends to misinterpret) Doyle’s interest as romantic. Ms. Jones and Viola work together to overwhelm Doyle with confusing conversation, until they leave her, embarrassed and perplexed. Before she can catch her breath, Emil and Cecil appear and strongarm her into listening to them perform a song Cecil wishes to sell her, “You’re the Cream in my Coffee.” When the song ends, Doyle is unimpressed by its lighthearted corniness, but likes Emil’s singing voice. She offers Emil an exorbitant contract, and, to Cecil’s horror, Emil rejects it. Just then, Viola appears, fully transformed into a second Ms. Jones. Emil is entranced by her newfound eccentricity and, oblivious to her disdain towards him, announces that she has given him an idea for a film. Doyle takes the opportunity to once more offer him a contract, and, this time, Emil accepts. Cecil makes one last attempt to connect with Doyle as they leave, but she tells him his style is outdated and his career doomed, and Cecil is left alone on the balcony.

Everett emerges and is alarmed to find Cecil there, but he pauses when he notices Cecil’s sadness. Cecil explains his career woes, and Everett awkwardly attempts to sympathize. Everett explains the frustrations of that day, and Cecil awkwardly attempts to sympathize. They both apologize, and lapse into silence. Cecil plays and sings “The Way You Look Tonight,” and Everett listens, leaning on his piano. As the song ends the two almost kiss before being interrupted by the guests leaving. Embarrassed, they spring apart, and each guest shakes Everett’s hand, apologizing for the inconvenience and commenting on the evening’s celebration. Cecil, last in the line, hesitates a moment before Everett suddenly kisses him. Finally happy, Everett joins the group to continue the party elsewhere, and they all leave together, with just Ms. Jones sleepily staying behind.

Ms. Jones sleeps alone on a bench on the balcony for a few moments, while the Robber continues to rob the house. Suddenly, Guy Walsh, the true host of the party, arrives late, only to find Ms. Jones and the Robber to be the only remaining guests. He sits down sadly on the bench, flanked by Ms. Jones and the Robber. The Robber offers him a stolen champagne flute, and Ms. Jones pours him some stolen champagne directly from her handbag, and Guy Walsh toasts them as “the only two people with any semblance of etiquette.” Tableau.